


Confident

by The_Busy_Beee



Category: Dive!! (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:02:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24407728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Busy_Beee/pseuds/The_Busy_Beee
Summary: Tomoki has always admired, and even idolized, Yoichi.He wishes he were as brave as Yoichi. Maybe then he wouldn't be afraid to tell the older boy how much he loves him.
Relationships: Fujitani Youichi/Sakai Tomoki, Tomoki Sakai/Nomura Miu
Kudos: 6





	Confident

**Author's Note:**

> This is all from Tomoki's point of view, and mostly internal thoughts/conflicts. There are some canon compliant bits, but also some definitely non-canon compliant bits.
> 
> I was so sad to see there are only six works for this fandom, so I'm about to add some more love. 💖

Bold.

Confident.

_ Beautiful. _

Yoichi has always been his beautiful, confident, unapologetic self, and Tomoki has always admired him for it.  _ Idolized him, _ even.

Yoichi never ran from his mistakes or flaws; he embraced them and overcame them. At least, that's how it always looked to Tomoki. In his eyes, Yoichi could do no wrong. 

He was Godlike.

But when Tomoki's first kiss is stolen in the locker room late one evening after hours of practice by his god, Tomoki realizes that Yoichi is only human as well.

He has fears and doubts and feelings much like his own.

_ "I love you, Tomo." _

The difference between them has always been their confidence. Where Yoichi holds his head high and doesn't back down from a challenge, Tomoki hunches his shoulders and avoids confrontation.

He runs away from Yoichi that evening. 

He wants to brush it off as a joke, as Yoichi teasing him, but Yoichi… Yoichi would never say something like that as a joke… And Tomoki can't make himself hurt the older boy like that, no matter what.

Tomoki tells himself the feelings aren't mutual. He tells himself that all he feels is idol worship, and that he'll grow out of it. He makes up a thousand different excuses for his heart racing every time their eyes meet, for the way his stomach flutters when Yoichi smiles at him, and the heat that rushes to his cheeks when Yoichi ruffles his hair or compliments him. 

He's not gay.

He can't be.

Maybe that's part of why he says yes when Miu confesses only days later. His mind is still in a fog, worrying over Yoichi and practice; his grades are beginning to slip and he's beginning to question how well he even knows  _ himself _ at this point.

He regrets it immediately… but he says yes.

Tomoki has never had a girlfriend before, so he's not exactly sure what to do with one, aside from walking home together or eating lunch together, but he has practice in the afternoon and Miyu lives in the opposite direction. He understands why Miyu wants to watch him dive, but-

But the thought of introducing her as his girlfriend- of introducing  _ Yoichi _ to his girlfriend- 

It makes his stomach churn dangerously.

"Was she your girlfriend?"

The words are said light, teasingly. Yoichi smiles, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"N-no!" Why is he protesting? It's true- Miyu  _ is _ his girlfriend. "We're not like that-!"

"A girlfriend?!"

"Whaaat?!"

Reiji and Ryo are on him like hounds and Tomoki doesn't see Yoichi's face when he leaves the locker room, but his heart still sinks. 

This should be fine. This is what he wanted to happen. He wanted to make Yoichi give up without saying anything- without hurting Yoichi. He's a coward, after all. This is for the best. Tomoki has a girlfriend that he might come to like eventually and Yoichi… 

Tomoki doesn't think about it. 

He doesn't have  _ time _ to dwell on it after Coach Asaki takes over with her mission to get them to the Olympics and save the MDC. Any free time he had left is eaten away by school, his daily training menu, and his after school practices, but it's all worth it. He can finally nail the three-and-a-half!

Tomoki is ecstatic! Yoichi and Coach Asahi had both praised him; he can't wait to tell Hiro and his parents!

But then he finds Miu in Hiro's bedroom and his whole world shifts on its axis. 

He was finally finding his footing only for the rug to be ripped out from underneath him. 

What hurts the most is that Hiro isn't wrong; Tomoki was a shitty boyfriend. He never had time to spend with Miyu, and he ignored her calls and texts. He didn't treasure her. They always say you never know how much you love someone until you lose them.

But that's not right.

He never  _ loved _ Miu. She was a good girl, but that was all. He was only using her as a shield, a cover up. Coach Asaki's words only help hammer that point home. If he had really loved Miyu, he would have put in effort and made time for her like he did for practice. If he had really wanted to make it work, he could have.

But Tomoki never wanted a relationship in the first place. 

Not with her, anyways.

-

Tomoki places fourth at the meet, and he should be proud of himself, he knows it- but he's so, so frustrated. 

At himself, mostly, for being so indecisive and his inability to really face himself. He did the three-and-a-half and he did great; he surpassed his limits- but Tomoki still can't tell Yoichi he makes his heart race. 

It's pathetic. He should just- just man up and do it! Like the first time he practiced with Yoichi! He should just go all in and-

"Tomo?"

"I won't lose next time," no no no- that's not what he wanted to say- "I'll take first place and surpass you!" None of that is what he wanted to say!

But Yoichi smiles- a real smile!- and it might not be what he wanted to say, but he wasn't lying, and saying it felt- it felt good. It felt right. It made his cheeks warm and his chest feel light and airy. 

It renewed his determination, fanned the flames of his confidence. 

There's a subtle tension in the air between them after that. They don't talk about it, and when left alone together, they tiptoe around the subject, and one another, more than anything else. It's weird and a little suffocating, but not entirely bad. Tomoki's working hard on learning the four-and-a-half now, so it makes it easier to ignore Yoichi's lingering gaze. He pretends it doesn't burn him up inside, that it doesn't make butterflies erupt in his esophagus, but he can't pretend forever.

Especially when he finds out Coach Asaka will be leaving them after the Olympics.

-

In hindsight, he knows he should have been more careful. He knows he was rushing it and pushing himself- he knows his injury could have been a lot worse than it actually was. But what he didn't know was how shaken Yoichi would be after the incident.

In front of the rest of the club, Yoichi had seemed perfectly composed, but after Shibuki had left them alone, Yoichi couldn't contain himself any longer. His long slender fingers had been trembling when they cupped Tomoki's cheeks, his lips just as soft and warm as the first time they kissed, but instead of being shocked still, Tomoki presses into the kiss. 

His own hands are trembling with nerves as he grips Yoichi's forearms to hold him close instead of forcing him away and the older teen makes a soft noise against Tomoki's lips. Tomoki's heart is hammering against his ribcage, threatening to burst out of his chest, but still their lips remain sealed. Yoichi pulls away only briefly before swooping in again, pulling Tomoki into a series of warm, chaste kisses, setting Tomoki on fire from the inside out. 

It's- kissing is like nothing Tomo had ever imagined- he never wants to stop-

But unfortunately they both need oxygen to breathe and Tomoki has to break their kisses to gasp for breath. Yoichi's watching him closely, also breathing heavily only millimeters away from him, thumbs still stroking his flushed cheekbones gently.

"I love you, Tomoki," he breathes quietly, sounding even more vulnerable than the first time he uttered those words. Yoichi has bared his all to Tomoki a second time, even after Tomoki shoved it back in his face months ago, but Tomoki won't hurt him again. He's stronger now. 

His hands cup Yoichi's, a soft smile spreading over kiss swollen lips, "I love you, Yoichi."


End file.
